Jøhnny Fävòrítê (johnnyfavorite) wrote,
Jøhnny Fävòrítê

april showers bring may flowers


Last Sunday I drove three hours to Henderson, Kentucky to meet with my first model, Audrey. I was nervous, but it turned out to be unwarranted. I had an excellent time. We spent most of the day in nearby Evansville, Indiana, ostensibly scouting locations, but mostly just hanging out. Audrey has lived there her whole life, she knows the area like the back of her hand. I kept thinking we were done for the day, then Audrey would come up with one more thing we could drive to and look at. My favorite was the infinitely cute Greyhound bus station in Evansville, which looks like it hasn’t changed much since the 1930s. I love being introduced to other people’s environments. I’ll be seeing her again next month, which is about how long it’s going to take me to get ready for taking serious photographs of her. I really like her a lot!

Let’s see, what else. I’m still climbing twice a week, but Jim and I have both hit a plateau. I’m stuck at the 5.10b level, he’s never gotten past the 5.11a routes. I’m stronger than I’ve ever been, my arms are getting bigger. We still haven’t climbed outside, because we can’t find an area nearby where we can top-rope. All the local outdoors spots seem to require lead climbing, which neither of us know how to do, and Jim doesn’t seem interested in learning.

Yesterday I went furniture-shopping with my mom. I got a really nice wooden bed frame and a TV/stereo cabinet. I would have bought a TV too, but I was overwhelmed by the choices, I need to do some research on the intarwebs. I haven't owned a TV since I moved out of Miami in 2000, when I threw away the ancient old tube job I had that was made in 1975 or so.

Jim finally got divorced. Now he’s starting to ask girls out for dates. They’ve all turned him down so far, but he laughs at rejection. We moved to a different area at work recently, now Jim and I are in adjacent cubicles. He’s working full-time again, now that he doesn’t have to worry about his wife getting alimony.

I had a friend once who felt she wasn’t very pretty. She was no great beauty, but I felt she was moderately attractive, certainly enough that it wasn’t much of a problem for her, but she disagreed. She claimed it was a major setback, that studies had proven even newborn babies prefer to look at conventionally pretty people. My answer was: who do you suppose a baby would prefer, a gorgeous stranger or her own homely mother?

That’s what the world feels like to me, most of the time. I am an introvert in a world made by and for extroverts, trying to figure out ways to stack the deck in my favor so I can get what I want. I feel like I am getting better at gaming the system every year, and that I’m closer to living the life that I want to lead than I ever have been, but it never stops being a struggle. Being friends with Jim has shown me the way things should work, if I was as suited to my environment as he is. For awhile I was making an effort to do things the way he does, but it’s never going to work. The two of us have entirely different strengths and weaknesses, so he doesn’t really work for me as a role model.

This entry seems to have taken a turn for the worse that I wasn’t anticipating. I thought I was going to write about how fun things are happening to me, everything is going great, etc, but I’m not feeling it right now.

I used to be so sure about everything. Then my view of the world changed in pretty much every possible way, and I feel like a beginner in my own life. All these situations that have the potential to turn out great, if I can get control of them and take charge, but I’m not there yet.
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